My Secret Identity

How exciting. I’ve always wanted to have one, haven’t you?

When I began this writing project, I kept it to myself, and just a few friends. A select group of real-life buddies, “imaginary” (message-board) friends, and a couple of family members. I didn’t want to put myself out there, to see the doubtful expressions of people I know and love. To feel the disappointment in the face of that doubt, in them, and in myself.

Like when I began announcing my intention to participate in a sprint triathlon. Oh, so often: the not-quite-hidden smirk, the awkward or overly enthusiastic nod and smile, the “I’ll believe it when I see it” look. The almost-earnest “Well, it’s good to have goals.”

I didn’t want to see that. Or have people ask me the dreaded question, “How’s the novel going?” Because after NaNo, for a while, it wasn’t. Now that I’ve picked it back up, that I’ve continued to learn how to write, at least I feel as though I’m accomplishing something.

But I’m still not “out” as a writer, on Facebook. There are a few more people who are aware of it: more family, thanks to my Christmas wish list and the books I received as gifts. A few more friends. Surprisingly, there is very little crossover between my FB friends list and Twitter followers list, so most of my FB friends remain in the dark. (It is quite common knowledge that I’m a voracious reader, but that’s been a lifelong thing).

Now, on Twitter, I’m out and proud. I tweet about writing, I follow writers, writers follow me, I engage in discussions. It’s lovely. With them, a few new writer friends, and as of last night an actual in-person critique group I almost feel like I belong. Almost. So I immerse myself in these conversations, because thus far it’s been my only opportunity to actually feel like a writer. I can’t get enough, like a child I am overdosing on it, and am probably annoying them with my attentions. It’s helping–the words are flowing, the ideas are coming, and arranging themselves in some semblance of order. I love it.

But I haven’t been able to bring myself to share this blog on FB. Although I shared the link with my husband, I am fairly certain he hasn’t been here yet (if so, he hasn’t mentioned it. Which would be telling. So the very thought of it has me in knots). I barely managed to paste the link into my Twitter profile. While I have mentioned blogging a couple of times, I don’t tweet a link to a specific post, or to the blog in general. I feel like this is a bit of a strip tease, and a not altogether willing one: every time I mention it, or see a new follower, another item of clothing is removed. I worry I’m sharing too much of myself on here. I worry people will see what I’m revealing and laugh. I want to pick up my clothes, cover myself with a robe, and hide.

You grow a little every time you do something difficult. I know this. So, eventually I will do it; I will put myself out there. For now, maybe I’ll just undo a couple of buttons and call it a day.

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About Kerrie Strong

Years ago, I chose to suppress my creative side in favor of a career (or two, or three) in science. This blog is filled with exercises intended to reverse the atrophy of my right brain. I hope you enjoy my ramblings.
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6 Responses to My Secret Identity

  1. Gwen says:

    It’s interesting, the whole writing side of us. I’ve found I can announce it to the world – guess what? I’ve decided to pursue my love of writing! But the truth is: nobody cares! I think you’re going about it the right way. Form relationships with other writers – on Twitter, here in the blogging world, your critique groups, etc. These are the people who “get it.” Great post.

  2. Thank you! And then you for stopping by.

  3. Kerrie, I have noticed how amazing your word count has been, most likely thanks to all the ideas and inspiration running through your brain. I am so happy for you! I would just like take a minute to share my thoughts on this subject. I think writing brings freedom and unity, while at the same time it inspires food for thought and divides. On freedom and unity: writing is a very personal thing, as you said, like we are undressing ourselves if we go public. This is a good thing because we have a freedom to express ourselves whether we feel shallow and vain or reliving deep issues we have the potential to heal from. We grow from it. I am glad you are reaching out for a support system, whatever your reasons may be. Writing is a solitary thing, but it doesn’t have to be a lonely thing. I love the online support I get. This Sat. I will be meeting with Romance Writer’s of America (RWA) to come together with ladies who love the craft as much as I. Okay, now on to Inspiring food for thought and divides: what we write, no matter if it is Inane prattle (love it! 😉 or a text book, someone will always have a thought on it, whether they voice it or not. Unfortunatley, not everyone who thinks puts thought into it. But, don’t get me started on that! Anyway, writing is a medium whether we like it or not. We may say one thing, but another person takes away a different message. We cannot worry over these things or it will feel like writing is no longer a freedom, but a burden. But, at the same time cannot ignore it. I have considered a pen name, but being open with it. Meaning, advertise my pen name to everyone, and if they don’t want to read the stuff under that name, they don’t have to. But, they will know and I will know I have another side. Loud and proud, yes, but only to those who appreciate it. What it comes down to is that no matter what, I am being true to myself. Yes, surround yourself with encouragement, support, and inspiration and carry on with your thoughts, dreams, and goals. This will take the sting out of the smirks, overly enthusiastic nod and smiles, and almost-earnest comments. The people who understand us will be the ones who notice the same things and will genuinely want to help. They can also be the most fun, quirky, and insane people on earth. Lol. Sometimes you just gotta embrace the insanity and take a little ride on the crazy train. Hold on! 😉

  4. If you are into the deep soul searching stuff (not religious), I came upon this blog that you may enjoy reading : http://thelovemanifesto.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/why-connecting-hurts-part-1/

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